Michael Monkey

I'm having to do this poetry folder for English (which serves me no use, but that's not the point), and Tiffany showed me this poem. It made me laugh a lot. So, I thought I'd share it with you all :)

Michael was a monkey, and a lonely chimpanzee,

Trying hard to find a lady chimp to share his tree;

There was but one hiccup in this quest to soothe his heart:

Every time he talked to monkey girls he’d start to fart.

“Hello, how are you?” he’d say, “and how’s your Dad and Mum?”

Suddenly a trumpeting would issue from his bum;

He’d go red and she’d turn green then run away to boot,

Michael farted loudly – like a fifteen-gun salute!

Once he went out dancing with a cork jammed up his date,

Everything went smoothly, and he met a nice primate;

When he got a kiss the pressure rose, the cork let fly,

Flew across the dance floor and took out the drummer’s eye.

Even when he used to sit in school it had him beat,

If a female smiled at him, he’d lift up from the seat!

All the chimps would chuckle, even stern old teacher laughed,

Ever after Michael bore the nickname “Hovercraft.”

Then one day he found his love down at the swimming pool,

Standing waist-deep in the water looking really cool;

Michael waded up to her and looked into her eyes,

Everybody watched two sets of bubbles start to rise.

All the chimps then laughed and sang, and cheered the pair en masse,

Then they had to clear the pool, because of all the gas;

Even at the wedding when the marriage vows were said,

All the guests looked funny with a gas mask on each head!

So they lived quite happily, a chimp and his new bride,

“Flatulence Forever” was the sign they put outside;

Right next to the other sign, that told the folk who came:

“Visit us, you’re welcome here, but please – No Naked Flame!”